Times they are a changin'

I didn’t know what it was at first. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying my time here in grad school—as much as one can enjoy endless hours of mind-numbing readings—but something just wasn’t right. It was until tonight, when I ‘became a fan’ of an old high school friend on facebook who has taken up singing and songwriting. Listening to her lyrics and hearing the calm music made me realize my problem: my creative instinct has been sedated since coming here.; I feel suffocated! I’m not blaming the Bush School for doing that; rather, I think I just thrive in environments where I am surrounded by a diverse group of individuals who make me…make me not take life so seriously. I am referring both to my time at Southwestern, as well as my time abroad. I love exploring, sitting under a tree and enjoying the moment, taking in a deep breath of the fresh air, laying under the sun and the stars, and just taking every moment for what it’s worth.

I don’t want to steal my above friend’s thunder, but I’ve always loved singing. I may or may not be blessed with a good voice, though my younger brother always complimented me years ago (maybe just to be nice, maybe to boost my ego…who knows!), but I’ve always thought it was something only those select and very lucky people ever get to actually do. But, as my friend has proven, anyone can do it, AND be good at it! I’m not suggesting that this is a cure to my boredom or dissatisfaction (because I’m not really THAT dissatisfied!), but it might hold a lucky charm somewhere down the road…
In the meantime, however, and although I recognized my “problem” earlier last semester, I think I’m going to go find more interesting things to do here in College Station! I don’t want to say that there’s nothing to do here, because there is, but…there’s not THAT much to do, nor do I have a lot of time! Nonetheless, maybe hitting up a new trail on the bike will be good, a swim in Lake Bryan, a picnic outside, or just going outside and enjoying it more! That was one of the greatest things about Southwestern to me: we had this huge lawn (we called it “the mall”) out in the middle of campus where people would play Frisbee, hang out, read a book, or a take a nap. If it was a sunny day, you could bet big money on there being at least a small crowd out there (or at Lake Georgetown…). Being outside not only calms me down, it allows me the chance to take in a few extra breaths of fresh air and refuel. I mean, going to school with a bunch of hippies might have had something to do with me feeling more at ease there, too, so who knows…the conglomeration of all aspects of Southwestern’s environment and atmosphere was really special.

It was definitely a HUGE culture shock not only to leave super liberal Southwestern and come to uber conservative College Station, but also to leave a small school environment and come to a huge campus where I feel like a needle in the haystack…The Bush School is different from the main A&M campus, though for some reason (probably all of those mentioned above) I feel like I have a stick up my ass here and I can’t be my goofy, lighthearted self anymore! And that, more than anything, annoys the hell outta me! (I hope this isn’t a natural part of growing up…)
Remedy? Well, a few more hours in the day would help, but really, I just need to try and revisit my old self…gee, I sound like I’m a completely different person now, but I’m not, I promise… I just feel off. Though, now that I can really identify why I was feeling so off kilter, I can fix it, right?! I also plan to be spending more hours out of the Bush School, and outside instead! I know this will help!

I guess I’m just a tree hugger kind-of-gal.